Hey blogbees! Alhumdulilah! Thank you for the lovely and positive messages regarding my last blog post!

Today let’s talk about an ectopic pregnancy.

‘ An ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilised egg implants itself outside of the womb, usually in one of the Fallopian tubes. … In the UK, around 1 in every 90 pregnancies is ectopic.’

Mashallah I breastfeed Ibrahim for 6 months, during this time you don’t need to take any contraception (for some mums) as when you breastfeed it releases some hormone and you don’t go through menstrual (ie don’t release eggs and don’t get periods bla bla). Due to this and my body was getting back to my normal cycle, I didn’t keep an eye on my menstrual.

I didn’t know I was pregnant.

On the 28^th January I was 5 weeks pregnant, they did a key-hole surgery to remove the fertilised egg and removed my left Fallopian tube. In some cases which was my case…the Fallopian tube had ruptured and it was life threatening unless we operated ASAP.

We didn’t know I was pregnant. Few days before I was out for Ash’s bday and I was bloated to the point my sisters were like you gone fat hen. But I had no idea what my body was going through…

The morning of the 28^th January Ibrahim woke up for his 7am milk, I bought him to my bed, and all of a sudden I felt faint, dizzy and couldn’t move. Initially I thought maybe I was dehydrated and I was constipated…(If you hear Hassys version of this you will laugh- cheeky get) but the pain was unbearable. Like I couldn’t lay down, I couldn’t stand and I couldn’t sit. I had my eyes shut, I had Ibrahim in one arm and I was hoping it will pass. With the little energy I had left I reached to my phone and called Hassy (she was in her room getting ready for work), I didn’t say anything so she assumed somethings wrong.

Ambulance came and during our ride they asked could you be pregnant. When I heard the silence and the silent nod towards both of the paramedics…I knew I was pregnant and something has gone wrong.

My worst memory is seeing my son upset and doing a sad face when I was crying in pain. I kept shouting at my mum to take him away. Children are innocent angels a ‘Pheresata’ they understand and know things…

…before I met my husband I was all about hashtag miss independent. I am a career woman, I want to travel and move abroad, big house nice car live my dream, maybe 1 child when I’m 35 and when wanted to settle down. But Tee changed me, when he first met my mummy friends Ash and Amrit he said I want a football team and was playing with their kids like they were his own nephew/niece. He just had this amazing glow about him and he literally changed what I wanted in life. A big family with this guy being the best dad in the world to my kids.

My heart was crushed.

A month before this incident, we both discussed we wouldn’t be disappointment if we fell pregnant (even though Ibrahim was 7 months at the time) Yes we don’t have our own house, yes we are not ‘financially stable’ yes we lived with his parents but we were content and happy. Cause Allah (SWT) has bigger and better plans for us and my sabr will pray off – maybe not in this world but maybe in the next. Having children is why we are in this dunya. To procreate… to have more followers of Islam. Not just to work, have career, and build a house for it to mean nothing in the afterlife. You can’t take these materialistic things in the afterlife. BUT you can take Deen..and you can hope to be with your family and children in the afterlife Insha Allah.

I was drugged up on morphine, was hallucinating before the surgery…again my sisters can tell you some funny stories. (Facepalm emoji – why doesn’t wordpress have emojis and GIF!!!)

I woke up lost and heartbroken, husband just got into Edinburgh. I had my parents and my father-in-law in the room so I didn’t want to show how broken I was to them…wouldn’t be nice for any parent to see the state I was in, so I straight away stopped myself… but in the inside I was in pieces – How could something I didn’t even know about and wasn’t for my destiny make me feel this way???

That night Tee facetimed me whilst trying to put Ibrahim to sleep, again he was upset and sad seeing me. This is again one of Allah (SWT) miracles in life. Children, they know and understand everything. Especially a mother’s pain. Rukia sent me this…and it started to give me some peace, and I started doing research into Islamic studies about miscarriage and woman of Islam…this is when I notice a change in my mind set…..and now thinking back..change in my heart forever.

The recovery was a few weeks, luckily I was in Edinburgh with my mum. She helped me so much! Even wanted to stay with Ibrahim and let me rest. But you know how a mother is…I wanted to be close to my son. My mother-in-law was in Bangladesh at the time so I wouldn’t of got the help to recover like a did if this happened in Luton. Obviously this is all part of god’s plan and the timing of being at my Edinburgh home was how I managed to recover so quickly.

But that wasn’t the end…..

They said if I fall pregnant within the first 12 months there’s a high chance I may have another eptopic pregnancy, there’s a high chance I won’t fall pregnant easily again due to not having a Fallopian tube or there being complications…….and they also found a cyst on my right ovary….

Insha’Allah speak soon!

Sultana ❤