So I am in two minds about writing this blog, as its my journey and I don’t need to explain to anyone…and maybe writing it may come across as ignorant and arrogant but in reality this is how I got to were I am today. And its my diary. So my apologies if I come across rude lol In the past year I have had comments and rude remarks about my translation so I am pretty defensive about my story….
I remember in November a family member was critising a friend of mine for not wearing a hijab after Umrah. I knew then, this was culture talking as wearing your Hijab isn’t ONLY cause you went to Umrah. You choose to wear a Hijab (Scarf over your hair), what your intentions are and what you feel is right for you and your head space. Its more sinful going backwards then not going forwards at all. The sheik from our Umrah suggested to ease into it becoming a better muslim and don’t go full on. Ie wear a hijab, wear an abaya full time (No jeans or leggings anymore), learn all your surah’s by heart, learn tajweed, stop listening to music, stop associating with men…start preaching and talking about Islam You will crash and you will be resentful, as its not natural progression. So do each step at a time…
So if you choose to wear the hijab and decide going forward I will only wear loose clothing and no longer leggings. BUT then go back to not wearing a hijab and leggings then its more disrespectful to our creator as, it is seen as you are mocking and taking your religion as joke. BUT if you decide your not ready to wear a hijab and you know what your intentions are then its less sinful as you’ve not given taken ‘oath’.
In honesty my intentions was not to go to umrah and comeback to wear a hijab. It was to cleanse and repent. At the time I wasn’t ‘ready’ to cover my hair and change my dress sense. That’s how I use to view the Hijab.
I researched the Hijab and what it actually says in the Quran. I started to read my prayers 5x a day…and meant if I showed my hair between prayers (If I didn’t need the toilet) the wudu would go. So wearing the Hijab meant my Wudu would be kept. I read, unfortunately men can’t control their lust and desires, as woman we can try and create a barrier ie the Hijab. I loved big volume Kardashian hair, So I realised that I was sinning cause I was getting the wrong attention from the opposite sex. Cause I was showing off my beauty to the world, men didn’t lower their gaze (as they are told too in the Quran). I started to feel guilty cause of my appearance and cause of my outfit choice men were sinning….my opinion of women wearing the hijab is to conceal your beauty (to Keep for your partner). Wearing the Hijab means to me, is to draw away attention, by wearing a plain scarf to keep your hair hidden from your non mahram (Mahram are men you can’t marry ie father, father-in-law, son, nephew, maternal uncle). Not by wearing flamboyant scarfs and fancy designs which draws attention but to conceal/ humble yourself. Hijab means to me, is wearing clothing that looks modest. Ie not figure hugging body-con dresses or see-through skin revealing clothes. It means to me a way covering your beauty, making you more modest and makes you double think your actions. Ie swearing or my wudu would break lol.
Before I even wore the hijab I was practising, more than people around me that wore the hijab. Hijab doesn’t make you more ‘religious’ than someone that doesn’t wear a hijab. By wearing the Hijab doesn’t mean they are a better person than someone that doesn’t wear a hijab. Its all about your intentions and your relation with our creator. Your imaan and you might be a better/kinder person than someone that wears a hijab.
Alhumdulliah I started wearing my Hijab early March, as I felt I was ready. I also stopped threading my brows and to this day I have not touched (Which is incredible for me!!)
“Plucking of women’s eyebrows is not permissible. That’s because the Messenger of Allaah (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) cursed the one who does it. It is haraam and is not permitted.”
1) Removing or plucking the eyebrows implies changing the creation of Allaah, as Allaah tells us that the Shaytaan said:
“…..and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allaah.” [al-Nisa:119]
I am still learning and changing…This is why when I first put on the hijab I never covered my full hair. I’d rather go forward than backwards (as explained above).
Even though I don’t owe anyone an explanation as only my creator can judge me or know my true intentions (Talking to trolls) Some people see my instagram and see I covered my full hair and get shocked when I have my fringe out. But infact my every day-to-day life I dont fully cover my hair. The images that I have fully covered is because of the PR packages I get OR because events I attend and cause of convenience (As wearing a under cap under the hijab my scarf doesn’t slip back as I’m at an event for a long day). I also always show throwback (Which include my hair) because, it is impossible to remove any traces of my old pictures on the internet. I have been blogging for over 7/8 years so all my old content, vlogs and collaborations are public and on platforms I do not own. Second reason is I love memories and have the best old photos. Like suggested in my previous post, I found my imaan because of my past. and cause of that I am proud of my past. so Yes I do show old images but again that’s between me and my lord.
I am not here to preach or judge but explaining my hijab story and why I choose to wear it. For convenience purposes ie Keeping my Wudu, to be a ‘hijab’ to create a barrier from the opposite sex so they may lower their gaze, to humble myself by being modest about beauty and to keep my beauty for my husband only. And to show the world I am a proud ‘practicing’ Muslim woman. This is my journey and alhumduliallah with the strength from Allah SWT I feel this comfort and peace I have never felt in my life.
Disclosure: These options and thoughts are mine. I do apologies if this may offend anyone as that is not my intentions. I am sorry if some of the text might not be accurate but this is my interpretation.
This video really made me think about what the Hijab is: What does the Quran really say about a Muslim woman’s hijab? | Samina Alis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J5bDhMP9lQ
InshaAllah speak soon!