Hey Blogbees! Thank you once again for all the love and support! Overwhelmed with the amount of women that have reached out Allumdulilah.
There is a sigma around talking about pregnancy, miscarriages, birthing and postnatal that as a Bangladeshi woman we don’t talk enough about. Like somethings wrong with the ‘woman’ or you’re not allowed to talk out loud or not allowed to be in pain, or its your fault someway. Its so sad as woman we have to take on so much emotion and deal with in your everyday life never mind dealing with grief.
I felt like I wasn’t allowed to talk about it or deal with the pain as the will of Allah I have a healthy boy. Things like ‘at least you have one’ really didn’t help..I know it came from a good place but no. It was hurtful– its like saying ‘ how dare you be in pain, you have one how ungrateful’ but in reality it was/is heart-breaking’ or I understand some don’t even have one but here I was still ‘sad’. So you started feeling ungrateful and started to keep my feelings to myself to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.
Heard on the radio that 1 in 6 woman suffer from miscarriages and it takes 9 months for them to deal with it and there isn’t enough support about it. So true, not just in the Bangladeshi community but in the western world. In early 2019 my maternity leave was over and I was expected to be back at work and suppose to just carry on with my life.
Men don’t start getting attached until they physically see the baby, during my pregnancy with Ibrahim Tee found it weird talking to my tummy (Helps the baby’s development by talking to the baby whilst in the womb). So as supportive as he is, the grief wasn’t the same.
I started to read – Revive your heart Putting Life in Perspective by Nouman Ali. And slowly mind-set about life started to change. I only had time during my breaks and lunch break to read (mummy/daughter-in-law duties take over after work times). First few chapters it talks about being grateful, our creator gives us life, we are his servants – how can we feel obliged to ask our creator for ‘something’ so instead be humble and grateful for what he has given you. – because of this…I started to say ‘Thank you more’ in my prayers and I stopped ‘asking’ and only thing I would ask for is for, forgiveness of my sins. The author shared a story about one of our prophets Musa (‘alayhi al-salam) that when Musa (PBUH) fled Egypt he had nothing, but instead he was thankful to Allah (SWT) for the shade under the tree, fruits and the drinking water from the river.
I started reading online about the life of Khadjah – our prophets first wife (May Allah be pleased with her) and Fatima – daughter of our prophet (May Allah be pleased with her). I started watching this cartoon about all our prophets. I know sounds a bit silly…but it was simple enough to understand and gives basic known stories of each and every prophet. (Link here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvWyP-vFhlS1-XENpD6w68A )
I found closure in Islam and reading/listen to Islamic literature.
InshAllah speak soon.