Hey blogbees! WOOOOW its been way to long since I wrote on this blog. I’m pretty disappointed in myself as I started this blog as a diary of my progression, life changes and growth. Then I completely stopped.
Being a blogger turned into being an Instagram influencer. Having the right content. Being consistent. My images being eye catching. Keeping to one topic so my followers get lost ie is it fashion is it beauty, its is lifestyle, wedding blogging, being a daughter-in-law (superbhabi) and now its mummy blogging but what about the followers I gained through the other topic, do they want to hear/read about my mummy blogging?
I started as a fashion/beauty blogger and used my events blogging as a skill.
So yeah….that’s a snippet of what’s going on in my head. (bibbidi bobbidi boo)
Due to all this..I lost interest in blogging and everything that comes with it.
Becoming a mother meant I became more self-conscious and protective. Not just my child but husband, my family and even me as a person.
There are certain factors that knocked my confident in believing in myself ie my labour with Ibrahim scarred me, competitors within starting my superbhabi business which I took personally, trolls…which is a topic of its own.. history repeating itself..issues with friends and family THEN my health issues just knocked my confidence completely.
My personality changed, I use to hashtag #QueenB and use to have a zero f**** feisty sarcastic attitude but January 2019 just took my breath away completely. To the point I stopped contributing towards conversations, like I would just listen to my friends and family – what they had to say….but I would not give back. I use to think cause I had nothing new to say except talk about Ibrahim and his development (I didn’t want to become one of these Facebook mums that post random stuff about their kids every other day) LOL I just stopped talking about myself and just listened.
New Year’s Eve I shared my 2019 journey which I never had the confidence to-do, it was so much more personal to me that just an Ectopic pregnancy. Its how my mental state changed….how my body physically changed, how lost who I became, how my feelings towards friends/family changed…. Only time I ever felt physically comforting is when I first saw my best friend Ash visit me and I completely forgot who I was and who was in the room….. I didn’t have words but emotions and she understood what my heart was saying and I couldn’t put it into words…. Another time I felt comfort is more recently in July 2019 when I understood why I was put through this test.
I don’t mention Umrah here (above statement) because in Makkah and Medina I literally had no weight on my shoulders, all I did was thank Allah SWT for this opportunity to be here. To be invited to visit his house, to be shown these miracles and have no worldly people/things holding in my heart accept Allah SWT. This was our ‘birthday’ gift to Ibrahim, no bigger gift in this world I can give him than my prayers to Allah SWT for this gift I get to call my son. So many people said did you miss him, how did you leave him at such a young age blab la…… reading ‘Reclaim your heart’ makes me understand why and how I left him for 2 weeks. My heart is with Allah (SWT). Your children are part of the ‘dunya and worldly possessions‘ our Prophet (PBUH) talks about. At the time I didn’t understand where this courage came from but now I understand.
I’m going to try and talk about life on my blog, as a diary for my own self, I hope women that are going through life obstacles may find closure in reading my blog and I will share as much as I can for my own self and also to look back on.
Inshallah I hope to speak soon!